Ending your fertility journey without the outcome we are all hoping for it not something we really like to talk about. It’s the part of IVF no one talks about. The bit where is doesn't work. And of course, none of us want to think about this journey ending without a baby being delivered, but it happens more than we accept.
The number one reason that people quit IVF in the UK is due to the emotional toll it takes. The assumption is usually that finance and cost put an end to IVF more than anything else. That is actually not the case. The psychological impact of IVF is hard, and it’s the main reason that people say, “enough”.
So what can we do about it? What action can we take to prevent getting to that place, or make that an easier transition? How do we develop and keep emotional resilience through such a tough process?
Discuss the ending
Long before this feels necessary, talk about how this journey could end without the positive outcome we are all hoping for. When it all still feels optimistic and a little bit exciting/very nerve-racking, this is the time to open up the conversation. How long are you willing to do this for? How much are you willing to spend? What would be a sign for you that things have gone too far and it is time to stop?
This is a conversation I often have with patients in clinic and it is so important. The answer may also change over time and that’s totally cool. But just being open to the unwanted ending can help prevent you getting there too quickly and ease the transition, if needed. It reminds you you are not stuck in this forever, and that also reminds you of the choice and control you have, in a process that can sometimes make you feel powerless.
2. Work on your mental health
Do not neglect your mental health through the journey. Managing your stress, acknowledging how bloody tough this is and giving yourself space to feel is so important. You need to maintain mental resilience against the toll that IVF takes. IVF can bring up a huge array of emotions, sadness, grief, anger, jealousy, resentment, to name a few. And it’s important you feel you have a space to work through all of that. Talking therapy can be amazing, as can acupuncture. Much of the work I do with fertility patients is around their emotional wellbeing and stress. Acupuncture appointments are a time to drop the mask and really feel what ever is coming up for you. This will hopefully mean you can keep going on the journey if you want to, but also means you have support in place if you decide its time to stop.
3. Don’t stop living
Don’t become your fertility journey. Don’t lose who you are and be subsumed by it. Easier said than done I know! But don’t stop living your life completely because you are trying to conceive. Take that trip you wanted, go to your favourite restaurant, celebrate a big win with a pint! Don’t let life become so restrictive you are just living for fertility treatment. This only makes the process feel like a punishment, and reduces your resilience for sticking at it. It also means that if you need to end the process, it’s hard to see what life is left for you. You’ve lost all the things that bring you joy and now you face the loss of your fertility journey. That’s not a good place to be. Again, I discuss this a lot with patients during their acupuncture treatments and frequently encourage patients to stay in touch with what they love and what brings them joy.
Mental and emotional resilience can often be overlooked, however it cannot be overstated how important this is. For many, the emotional toll can be the deciding factor as to whether to keep going. Whether you are looking to support your mental health to keep going with your journey, or support to bring your journey to an end, do get in touch and we can arrange an appointment here in Brockley.